just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
