My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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