If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
