is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
