Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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