I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
