Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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