we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
