that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
