The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
