if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
