when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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