if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
