I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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