I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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