I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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