Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
