You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
