Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
