When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
