Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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