Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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