It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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