Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
