dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
