Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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