Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
