It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
