I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
