remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
