We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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