Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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