my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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