i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
