Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
