I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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