True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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