If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
