things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
