i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
