Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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