thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
