I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
