turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
