I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
