kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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