i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
