We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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