I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
