well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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