things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
