i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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