When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
