I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
