Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
