Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My vagina is officially offended.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
